For those of us who are neurodivergent, with spiky sensory profiles, the festive season has the potential to be a nightmarish hellscape of hyper-stimulation and overwhelm. While our bodies are calling us to withdraw, rest and hibernate as the nights close in, we’re dragged into bright lights, parties, noise and dysregulating changes in routine and behaviours.

We may be able to stage-manage our personal festivities more easily, but professional events, societal commitments and expectations can be a huge drain at this time of year.

How can neurodivergent folks navigate the chaos?

There are some simple anxiety-easing tasks you can do in advance:

• Find out about the venue, perhaps visit in advance, establish if there is quiet space, or find some photos online so you know what to expect.
• Plan your travel ahead of time, maybe even do a test run of the route.
• Ensure you’ve seen the menu beforehand so can avoid option paralysis on the day. Do not feel pressured to eat if the food is unusual or unknown. Bring food that is safe and familiar to you (and if that’s not allowed, eat well beforehand, or use one of the tips below).
• Plan clothing, allowing time for shopping if necessary – it’s likely that people will ‘dress up’, but Christmas often means patterns, sequins, glitter, tinsel, itchy, itchy, ITCHY and uncomfortable. Try not to feel drawn into wearing something that will have you dying to remove it the instant it goes on! Choose clothing that is soft, breathable, entirely inside your comfort zone. If you want to do festive and glam, accessorise!
• Wear earplugs that will allow you to hear conversation, but dull some of the roar.
• Take your favourite small stim or fidget toys, something that can be put in a pocket for regulation.
• Find out who will be attending in advance. Have a think about who you’d like to talk to, and have some ideas for conversations (a quick online search will provide you with loads of conversation starters).
• Plan quiet time ahead of, and after, any socialising to regulate and rest. Social hangovers are a thing!

Some things you might not have thought about:

• Just Say ‘No’ – you do not *have* to attend. Even when every fibre of your being is telling you to conform, and work politics inform that you should, you do.not.have.to.attend. If you’re not comfortable communicating that, there are a plethora of reasons you can give – an early start the next day, an elderly grandma, Covid, and my particular favourite:

• The ‘Other Party’ – if you know you’re likely to be late, have forgotten a present, or simply don’t like to be ‘perceived’, the joy of being an entrepreneur is that you probably have many irons in the fire that people know nothing about! The fictional ‘other party’ is a splendid excuse for lateness, early departure, tiredness, inability to bring presents, having ‘already eaten’, etc. You’re an (entirely fabricated) social butterfly!

• Get Yourself A ‘Party Job‘ – clearing glasses or topping up drinks for example. This gives you an instant ‘out’ if you’re stuck in excruciating small-talk with Brian from Accounts, or are feeling overwhelmed. It will also provide regulating structure and purpose.

• The Trusted Friend – identify a ‘safe’ colleague. Talk to them in advance about your needs, ensure they have your back and can release you from difficult situations with a brief “can I have a quick word…”. Your trusted friend doesn’t even need to be present. Set up a code word with an absent friend whose call you just *have* to take if you need to get away.

• Impulse Control – social anxiety, sensory seeking, and ADHD impulsivity may see us reaching for more food than we can comfortably eat, more alcohol than is safe for us to drink, and saying ‘yes’ to more social engagements than our energy can accommodate. Stay mindful of these over-indulgences as they can be a quick route to burnout, and could even put you in danger. Set your budget and limits before you go out. Consider driving to events so you can’t drink. Listen to your body when it says you’re full up. Don’t spend more money than you have. Enlist your trusted friend to know your limits and keep an eye on you.

• The ‘Irish Goodbye’ – when all else fails, just leave. Slip out like a ninja and offer no apologies.