Ho, ho, blooming ho.
Christmas is a time of great joy and whimsy, plentiful joy and boundless cheer, right?
Wrong. For many neurodivergent people, for many of the reasons we’ve blogged about before (Hosting an inclusive Christmas Event & Surviving Xmas Parties). Christmas is a dysregulating snowstorm of sensory and social challenges.
Here’s a stress-free rundown of simple tweaks and twitches to make your festive season as neurodivergent-friendly as possible!
Don’t be a sheep (safely grazing or otherwise)
( See! We told you the sheep made sense! )
You/your family/colleagues do not have to do what everyone else is doing!
Be that parties, lurid Christmas jumpers, midnight mass, heavy boozing, gift swapping or any other ‘traditional’ yuletide activities.
Consider:
- Some people thrive on routine and structure – that’s neurodivergent basics. Keep their/your routine and structure in place over Christmas.
- If your colleagues and contacts seem detached or distracted from the fun and frolics, consider how taxing fun and frolics can be on their social battery and necessary regulation time.
- They, and you, are allowed to say “no”.
- Some tips on the whole how to say ‘No’ thang here: The Gentle Art of Saying No
More on grazing…
Christmas can be a gluttonous frenzy of food, drink, and things that make us feel amazing in the moment, but a little bit shoddy a few days in. If you struggle with impulse control, being surrounded by multiple Terry’s Chocolate Oranges might not end well. Parties and feasting can happen at odd times of the day – consider how disorientating it might be if lunch is at 12.30 pm every other day, then 3 pm at Christmas.
Aside from the blood sugar heebie-jeebies to manage, it’s all very discombobulating, as is pretending to like turkey.
If you want pizza for Christmas dinner, here’s Sycamore’s permission to have pizza for Christmas dinner – here y’go, it’s yours.
Consider:
- Eating at the same time, in the same place, and from the same safe selection you always do.
- Asking for a steward for the booze and the stollen, or to help with rationing out the selection box.
- Eating alone, if you don’t like being watched, or small talk, or gravy, or enforced merriment.
Speaking of which… Emotions
Good emotions can be overwhelming, too. Christmas can bring a sense of all-purpose too-muchness, which, in the moment, is all sparkly-happy-funtimes, but can cause an almighty crash afterwards. Ration your energy along with the Quality Street.
Consider:
- Participation in parties, carol singing and client dinners is not compulsory.
- A lot of ND people don’t like being ‘perceived’ or the centre of attention, so don’t perceive them, or put them in situations where there are expectations of certain behaviours or reactions, such as:
Bearing gifts…
The giving and receiving of presents is an oddly dense minefield of societal expectations and squabbles, and also potential pitfalls for those of us who might, I dunno, forget Christmas exists and have to buy all gifts from 24-hour Tesco on Christmas Eve.
Consider:
If you, or someone you know, struggles with being perceived (see above), don’t put them in a situation where they have to:
- Be perceived opening a mystery parcel, they know not the contents thereof.
- Conjure up the precisely correct and acceptable facial expressions and words in reaction.
- Pour profuse thanks and enthusiasm in your general direction for your supreme skills in gift buying.
- Allowing people to open gifts in their own time and space to negate the above.
- Asking them in advance specifically what they would like, and confirming that is what you have bought, so there are no surprises or unwanted gifts.
- Not gift wrapping – I know, shocking, right? But for highly logical, justice-sensitive people, wrapping paper can seem wasteful and unnecessary, just so things look pretty under a fake tree. (NB. Christmas trees, heinous flashing lights, gingerbread candles and non-stop Wham/Maria/Bing Crosby are also non-compulsory, and overwhelming for a lot of ND peeps!)
- That it’s easy to overspend, people-please, and panic-buy when your poor impulse control, executive dysfunction, and unreliable memory team up to jigger you in the lead-up to Christmas.
Remember:
- Gift for the joy of gifting alone, not for the praise and thanks that are heaped on you when you do. Expect no thank you letters or gushing reactions, but if they come naturally, celebrate them. (Internally, please, don’t, for goodness’ sake, praise someone for saying thank you!)
- Ensuring that your fascinating, three-page family update letter, Christmas cards and gift labels are typed in a sans serif font, and at least size 12. Or very clear, non-too-cursive-and-scrolly handwriting, so that those with visual and text-processing challenges can actually read who their hand cream gift set is from.
The biggest take-home, the best Christmas gift, from us to you? Let people be.
Take your foot off the HAVVVVE FUNNNNNN (but do it properly, and how we expect you to look/behave/react while doing it) pedal.
Make your own traditions. If that tradition is to make Christmas look and feel, as closely as humanly possible, like a mediocre wet Wednesday afternoon in March, that’s ok, too.
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